It’s mid August, which means Halloween season is in full swing here in “sunny/rainy/sunny/rainy/sunny while rainy/rainy while sunny” Orlando. And nothing brings on the spookiness quite like Halloween Horror Nights. Now it is no surprise to long time readers, that I myself am not someone who enjoys being scared. I have a fight then flight reflex which would accidentally cause me to be escorted out of the park. And I enjoy my Universal Annual Pass. But this year has a very strong line up of houses with a great mixture of highly desired IP’s, originals and “Us.” But which are the ones I would not want to go in for fear of being a terrified little baby? I’ll tell you, it’s in the name of the article. So here are the Top 10 HHN House (Based on How Much I Think I’ll Crap My Pants Going Through). Also keep in mind, this is just going to be for Orlando’s event, so you won’t find Creepshow on here.
As mentioned in the introduction, I am not a fan of this house idea. Mostly because, I was not a fan of the movie. I was super excited to see Jordan Peele’s follow up to “Get Out,” which while not super scary is still unsettling, tense and a darn good film. Us is none of those things, and also not scary. Now while there are some scenes in the movie that could make for a good house, and by some I mean two, I really don’t buy it. Sadly I feel like this will be another flop to come from the Blumhouse/HHN partnership. I got five on it to be the weakest house this year.
9. Killer Klowns From Outerspace
This is a similar situation as “Us” in that I wasn’t really that big a fan of the movie and didn’t find it very scary. But there are two reasons I place it above “Us.” First, it was based on a scarezone from last year that everyone loved, so even if it doesn’t fully scare, it will be incredibly interesting to go through since it does have a distinct visual and character design. Second, I am terrified of clowns. So they’re bound to terrify me even if the movie really didn’t.
I have always held the belief that Stranger Things has gotten less scary the further along it went, similar to Resident Evil. Season 3 was more thrilling and tense than scary. Given that this house will be a combination of seasons 2 & 3 leads me to believe this could be a stronger house because of it, since they have to fill it with the most iconic scary scenes. Expect to see things like Will being exorcised of the Mind Flayer, almost every scene involving the Demidogs, the funhouse from the carnival, the sauna where the trap Billy and the Mind Flayer. Bonus points if they include Dustin and Suzy singing Neverending Story.
7. Depths of Fear
This house will use claustrophobia to its fullest potential, because spooky fish won’t cut it 100% of the time. Yes they could have scary divers and everything like that, but of the original houses, this feels the weakest of the four original houses. Interesting concept, but I’m not sure how much they’ll be able to do with it.
6. House of 1000 Corpses
Having never seen the movie, not sure of any iconic scenes or anything of the like. However, Rob Zombie does have an eye for horror and this could have scares coming from every which way. I think this could be a sleeper hit and maybe cause people to want to check it out if they haven’t (happened to me last year with Trick R’ Treat after doing the Behind the Screams Tour).
5. Nightengales: Blood Pit
A sequel to an original house, but this time taking it back to ancient Rome. This will easily be the gore house. Beheadings, limb removal, that thing where someone is laying down screaming and one of the Nightengales is pulling out their insides, all that good family fun stuff.
4. Universal Monsters
What do Dracula and this house not have in common? One’s a fictional book character and the other is a haunted house, what did you expect me to say?
But this house is one that will provide a lot of fan service and brings the event back to Universal’s roots of Horror. I doubt this will be super gory, the films their based on weren’t. But it will still offer lost of delightful scares and some amazing set pieces. I think we’ll see the facade from Scary Tales maze last year recycled as the entrance to Dracula’s Castle.
I was reading the description and I immediately went to, “This seems like the Haunted Mansion direct by Guillermo del Toro.” So with ghosts who are looking to murder people instead of happy haunts will probably be very terrifying. Lots of Gothic ascetics and probably a big scare at the end regarding what happened to the kids who woke the dead. And further proof why you don’t play in graveyards.
2. Yeti: Terror of the Yukon
It’s a maze spun off from the B-Movie maze last year. I’ve lived in an area that snows a lot and is up in the mountains before, and those heavy snowy nights can be eerie. And that was without the fear of an 8 foot tall (give or take a few inches) Yeti trying to murder me. This one will probably be the scariest house with being stuck in a closed quarters house, but a murder creature with claws and not being a bunch of fish. And while I may crap my pants a lot on this one…
This is making me crap my pants the most, but for entirely different reasons because…GHOSTBUSTERS! Finally, all the ghosts from the movie that I loved brought to life. The library ghost, Slimer, Zuul and Vinz Clortho, that ghost who gives Dan Aykroyd a hummer, Gozer and STAY PUFF MARSHMALLOW MAN! I am a bigly fan of Ghostbusters and if I were to go and see this, I would crap my pants solely from excitement of seeing one of the greatest movie in a form that I can sort of walk through. Yeah, there are sure to be some good scares and a demon dog jumping out of a fridge. But, freaking Ghostbusters! This maze probably won’t even be the scariest, but will have the longest line of the event for the sole fact that it is based on the greatest ensemble comedy of the 1980’s.
And that’s my list. These 10 mazes (9 that I have hopes for), 5 awesome scare zones and the first ever lagoon show for the event, I have a feeling that this will be a banner year for Halloween Horror Nights. The only question is, how can they seemingly top it for their 30th?